Hannah, NHS Nurse

Hannah is an NHS nurse in London. She works in Haematology, mostly with patients with blood cancer undergoing chemo, stem cell transplants and new cell therapies.

What were you mainly working on over the last 18 months?

I’ve spent most of the pandemic working in haematology because our treatments are life-saving, with stints on the covid wards and ITU during the first and second waves. 

What for you were some of the difficulties of the last 18 months that you’d be comfortable discussing?

Our patients don’t tend to do very well with covid, so we have had a lot of loss, and going into work knowing we could be spreading it has been very stressful. Watching the government make terrible decisions, locking down too late, and prioritising the economy whilst we live through losing colleagues and patients, and putting ourselves at risk has been psychologically hard. 

What helped you through the difficult periods?

Until I hit rock bottom, nothing. It was a hopeless situation placing ourselves at risk with minimal PPE whilst watching too many people suffer and die. Last year I was signed off for a few weeks after developing anxiety, depression and panic attacks. I survived because I have amazing colleagues and a supportive family. I taught myself to sew clothes, and I tried to hide from the news and politics. 

Is there a piece of advice or particular guidance you lean on when things are hard?

I can only control what I do and how I feel about things. I don’t find this easy, though! 

What do you want people to know about what has happened within the NHS over the last 18 months?

We are only human. We are exhausted. The NHS is the people in it, the people who care, who keep you alive, who hold your hand at the end. When you break us down, the NHS is gone. Freedom isn’t not wearing a mask. It’s belonging to a society where everyone has value and can access the healthcare they deserve, where key workers don’t fear for their lives or mental health. 

How would you like to see things change in terms of how the NHS is funded and run in the future?

Nurses with six — eight patients cannot provide individualised care. They can’t ensure safety. Nobody goes into nursing to do the bare minimum, but there’s usually little further training and a crap salary. 

We work in life and death, is there no value to that? 

How has the last 18 months influenced your outlook on life moving forward?

I love nursing. I want to change things. But I’m not sure I’m strong enough to take on that challenge when so much of the general public don’t care. 

What has brought you the most joy over the last 18 months? 

Spending time outdoors, the peek into the secret world of school, the peace of sewing clothes. 

How do you feel about how the pandemic is currently being framed in the media?

That idea of “coming out of the pandemic” is very difficult to process. I need my kids to have a normal life, so we do classes, see friends and go camping. But I still wear a mask for 12 hours at work. I am acutely aware of the risks and don’t consider 35,000 cases a day to be the end of the pandemic. 

I am terrified of new vaccine-resistant strains and hope beyond hope that our collective inability to wear masks, appropriately test and isolate will not undermine all the work that has gone into vaccinations. Unfortunately, to me, “Coming out of the pandemic” is a story we’re being told to keep the money rolling. 

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